it wasnt my fault. 8:55 PM

Saturday, May 5, 2007

here i m again... cant slip bahx...dunno y...tired n sleepy....but cannot sleep...my brain juz cant bring me 2 sleep...wow...3.30am ... haiz...cannot hv a peaceful nite...diaox...c this pic of mine... nice rite????

well...i did tiz because i wan to show uu how sincere is my love to uu.... tiz 2 letters is indicating to uu that it will stick 2 my arm 4ever...as 2 remember u where ever u r...it will stay 4ever...n so do my luf 4 uu is sincere 4ever too....

still remember tiz ring of urs??? h0pe u do... still remember the day u gave the ring 2 mie..?? and how u gave it?? u put it inside my pocket w/o mie knowing it? hehe... from the day u gave mie tiz special ring of urs... i nvr let it be away from mie...it is always wif mie... 2gether wif my necklaces...it wont nvr be lost...

DEAR....WO AI NI!!!!!!!

("v") MaoMao ("v")

it wasnt my fault. 3:26 AM

hey guyz... here i m again... wif my blog again... bloggie...i m back for u ... haizz... i cant sleep ...dunno y ler... juz dont feel lyk sleeping... my eyes are red n heavy.... it cud juz close anytym... but the problem is i cant sleep no matter how tired i m... wen i closed my eyes... i wont have peace in sleeping... now these... it feels lyk sumtink is bothering mie soo much... but i cant juz think wad is it... wen i sleep... later at the middle of the nite...i cud wake up... and ther goes...i m alone again... lyk now...alone... haiz... wen i think of her wen i wake up... i juz dunno y...i felt lyk crying... or even i cried... i juz dunno y... for mie... i felt guilty for treated her badly all...haizz... yest...ard 3+am...i awake...and so... i cried...coz i think of her....haizz... i dunno y lately i feel lyk tiz... now days...i cudnt even control my feelings n patient... is lyk... my patient slowly fades away... i my m0od would easily change... haizz... lyk juz nw...slacking tym...i m0od changed alot... and soo i think she do can noticed it...coz it is damn obvious....

tell u guyz frankly horx.... if u can c my mood swing...try nt 2 tok 2 mie in the mean while... wait till my really2 calm down...u know will know it wen... i slowly start 2 tok wif u all...that is wen my m0od had calm down...i dont wan u guyz nt knowing my attitude and end up...argueing...haizz... damn...i m soo sick of my feelings...i cant even understand myself y m i lyk tiz..haizz...y? tell mie y some1? i really dun know...issit bcoz of her??? i dont think soo...she always brightened the day of mine... how abt my fwens???well n0pe...they always make mie laugh... especially FARIQ...haha ure the man....warrior of the night assemble...this phrase mcm similar urh...hahax...den who is the main cause of mie 2 b lyk tiz...i dunno leh.... haizz...really in need of some1 to share my feeling to...some1 who can understand mie well.... tell my dearest??i dunno know... it will make her more headache...summore she got sum problem oledi...dun wan to add more 2 the problem... damn.... soo who cud i share my feelings wif???

well...2day...as usually...go sk0ol.... take exams... hiaz...we finish at 11.20am ard ther...while the other classes were dismissed at ard 9.30...soo early sia...lyk fun urh... but nvm...3ip will be dismissing at 9.30am tiz coming monday...wohoo...cheer for 3ip...hahax...2day take maths paper 2 and POA...waa soo sian leh...both paper very the hard... especially maths... i dunno how 2 do... urh...starting 2 hate maths...i hate it... got dammit...wish sum1 cud teach mie in my studies...soo i still can be in 3ip...and stay the same class wif my dear2... lyk fun urh...but b4 having fun...we must suffer first as in study3...den wen we get wad result we want...we cud den have fun...for the achievement that we had obtain...for POA... for mie...is quite hard urh...but not so bad...at least i cud answer sum question..hahax...rather than nutink...hahax....

after sk0ol...got free show...fariq n pek... waa soo long urh their story...until 1+ lyk sian urh... always thier....but betta coz...nt ours...hehe...i mit khairil after sk0ol...2 gif hym sumth.ing and take sumthing in return... for the chalet thingy... after mitting hym...he and yz...came my house rest awhile...den we go out...mit james...he go his grandma haus...her my blk ther...den they wanna buy rokok...den kut3...haha...

then they wan go buy rite...den mit my dear2...pek n fariq... at the coffee sh0p at bangkit ther...easy onli urh...if nt...must play treasure hunting...2 hunt for their whereabout...then...mit them liao...we got blk 376 ther...slack awhile... den at ther...my m0od start to change...coz of sumthink...haizz... maybe my fault? or mayb nt? dunno...but shud be my fault ler...y must i be soo sensitive de?aiya... they bro-sis mahx...y must i think soo differently....hish... everytym if i think negatively...must punch my head 1 time...very the hard one...soo that i wont think negative..but positvely...haizz... dun wan tok abt tiz thingy liao ler... haiz.... :(

haizz...now mie alone...infront of the laptop all by myself...the rest all slept oledi... haizz... dunno ler... feel lyk mitting my fwens at ard pending street soccer ther...but... i dont dare... i dont dare 2 go w/o her permission... from now on...every lil things i do...always seek for the permission first b4 doin or going anywher...haizz....

k ler...thats in for 2day... i go play game till 2mr morning ler...no nid slip can soo...bye2...take carez...love u all...especially my DEAR ... muackz...to u...from mie... tataz...

("v") MaoMao ("v")

it wasnt my fault. 12:54 AM

Thursday, May 3, 2007

haizz...2day very the sian ler... i nvr spend my valueable tym wif her.... soo the boring ler w/o her...

summore...2day... i tot it is g0ona be a great day...but instead a veri2 sad day... didnt expected ii and her 2 argue and nvr tok for dunno how many hours... haizz... summore i didnt saw her after ii went home after sk0ol till now...or mayb i did saw her juz now...yeayea....i remembered...i saw her under fariq haus ther...from far...coz juz now we quarrel mahx... den i go far2 from her...2 avoid her from noticing mie...

wen ii and her got a fight...den pek and fariq also got... where can follow us de... alermek....

den...i waited yz fariq n brandon at south view lrt the below... den we walk2 until at teck y ther... den we sit down... lyk fun urh juz now... got sparring session awhile... whose that guy...i dunno who ler...if u read my blog urh...hey sorry horx if aku hit u very the hard...haizz... but my hand swollen...hahax... juz now not pain... how den can feel the pain at my middle finger ther...hahax got blueblack....mcm fun jek urh... haizz... soo long oledi nvr fight... lyk nt used 2 it urh... mayb i m nt the person who are supposed 2 fight... mayb...i m the emo type of person urh...but also... got bad -tempered 1 ler... cannot always b emo mahx...later other ppl step2 my face...where can lyk tt...hahax....i tot juz now can c my belove god-sis...but cant...she came home late coz she got problem 2 settle at sembawang...haizz....i miss her leh!!! summore i forgot that i left my ring at teck y ther sia...nabei.... but den...i told my sis 2 help mie take... h0pe my ring is still ther... if nt...aku waste my precious money buying that ring...haizz... kak pls save my ring... n luckily that is my own ring... if that is my dear2 the ring...i tell u urh... i now go teck y take urh... and if my dear2 ring lost.... omg... 100% sure i will cry de horx... her ring is very precious n important 2 mie...

den around 6.30...mie n yz go fariq haus...slack ther for awhile coz boring mahx... reach his haus onli den go inside his r0om...den u know wad??? jump onto his bed... lying on his bed...wanna make mie sleep lorh...hahax... then he dunno do wad wif the comp...den we play game...dunno wad it called...the soldier front or soldier force...dunno ler... forget liao.... then play awhile have fun abit.... den ii lyk no m0od urh... coz no princess for how many hours urh...feel lyk different lyk tt...den i msg her as for normal lyk as if nuthink had happen...i tot she wont reply my msg coz...how i know mayb she still very the angry at mie or sumthing...but den...she replied mie ler... soo happi leh... den we msg2 each other awhile... den i msg her suddenly she nvr reply...waa scares mie seii... i tot she no m0od 2 msg mie or sumthink coz she nvr reply...den wait for dunno how many mins...den got sum1 called mie wif a private nnumber... and dear called mie... hahax... soo glad that i cud hear her voice once again...even though juz for a few hours didnt tok... i mish her swit voice muchie2.... dear... wo ai ni!!!! soo i guess... we are back to normal again urh... not argueing anymore... hehe... how i cud imagine that we nvr fight... both our world would be soo peaceful...hehe

k ler...i dunno wad else 2 write urh...my brain blank liao... soo 2mr den i update again horx... thats it for 2day...h0pe tiz day wotn happen again...coz i m lost in my own world w/o u around... dear2...i truly love u... do u love mie the same way how i love u? do you? wen u c tiz...pls answer and put at the tag box...k ler...i wan take a rest liao ler... bubbye...love u dear...and to my cutie fwens...byez take carez....

("v") MaoMao ("v")

it wasnt my fault. 9:22 PM

Pek & dEar2 PriNceSS ("v")

it wasnt my fault. 3:28 PM

HeRe i m...again...juz got back from sk0ol...and rite away post tiz thingy at my blog...

haizz... i m sooo sad rite now... stress & confused.... i duno wad 2 do now... my thoughts is messed up... many things run through my mind rite now... i dunno how 2 describe myself as...shud a say stupid? useless? or betta off... i shud call myself a monster...coz tts is wad i m...

i made mistakes from the start... nt admitting it 2 u... it is my fault that the day had 2 b lyk tiz....

on my way home... ii burst 2 tears... all the negative thoughts... and hatred strike mie... URH!!!!!! i m soo sad!!!! i m a monster!!! monster!!!

all these while... i had been patient...i followed wad u ask mie 2 do...coz... all i do is to get ur 100% attention...but sad 2 say...no... every time u wif some1.... i tried 2 gif u the freedom 2 b wif some1...who ever u wan 2 b wif... but at least understand my feelings.... thers once u say...u dont lyk mie 2 be wif my friends....they are bad influence.... and wad i did? i told u say den i wont follow the f0otstep... now i seldom went out wif them... chit chatting wif them... nt even slacking wif them... 1 week... once i slack wif them... or even...i didnt at all... coz wad things u told mie nt 2 do... i will follow to seek ur attention... now... after a long tym w/o being wif my friends... they seldom tok 2 mie... usually b4 sk0ol... wen i sit wif them... i just zipped up my mouth... nt even a single word came out... onli wen they tok 2 mie...den i will answer back...

now by l0oking at them... i think... they had treated mie differently as last tym... but for mie... i dont mind they treated mie lyk tat... as long as i got u around... i m very much happy... coz u r the one who always brights up my day... haizz.... i really scare that wen ure wif sum1... wen ure very close... i really2 scare that u will end up having faded love feelings 2wards mie... n i m scared that i might lose u... wen u wif sum1...i pretended 2 b normal... but sometimes i cud resist but sumtimes i cudnt...haizz... wen ever ure close.... it makes mie tink many negative stuffs.... argh!!!

typing all these things down...is realli sad... but get 2 feel these feeling is much more suffering... tears are now flowing down my cheek... dunno wad to do... i dunno how 2 face u... such a monster i m... haizz... i wished all these stuff i could resist it...patient is all i need... but wen it is over the limit... i juz dunno wad to do... all i can think off is killing myself... but thinking over it...it wont gif any g0od...yet... add more suffering 2 other ppl especially my MUM... mum if ever these day i run away from home... i m really sorri mum... i m feeling 2 confused... mum i 4ever love u...

MUM ure my only h0pe...the onli person whom i can depend on in myself.... since young...u are always wif mie wen i nid u...

haiz....i dunno wad else 2 say... but....haizz... dunno ler.... i m scared now...

maybe later at nite... i write again...i love u dear.. muackz

("v")MaoMao("v")

it wasnt my fault. 2:03 PM

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

feeeuuhh....wad a day...soo stress and tired after completing the blogger...nid mani2 help from ppl regarding thiz thingy...soo n0ob rite? but i dont think its onli mie who had these problem... other ppl also do hv the encountered the same problem as i do... but now...i know how 2 operate tiz thingy already... after knowing how 2 use it... it is kinda easy though... at first was hard... thx 2 my fwens who helped mie wif tiz blog... although i lied 2 u guyz... saying tt it was my lil brother's blog... sorrie fwens.... i juz wan 2 hide tiz blog first... need 2 editing b4 i can show my blog 2 uu... later scared being LAUGH at.... :'( but i onli told 1 of my bestie...who is FARIQ...the first person who know abt my blog thingy... hahax...g0od for u... if can urh... dont tell the others first urh... let them find my blog themselves... but as for my PRINCESS...i must tell her tt i do hv a blog...but yet...nt gona tell her about my blog's address...mcm Fun urh...

now i got my own blog...thers no nid for mie 2 waste my energy writing in my diary...it really took quite a long time 2 write in the diary...yeayea...i got blog liaox....blog ii love uu...hehe h0pe bloggie love mie too.. haha lyk childish lyk tt urh... but nvm mahx... every1 hv childness attitude in them...rite???

Ya LaH coRRecT...hehe... well i really dunno wad to write... my brain cant really think well... as it is already past midnight... my eyes are soo heavy and damn reddish lyk VAMPIRE but den...i dun really wan 2 sleep yet...as u cud c...the night are still young... i wish that my PRINCESS is here besides mie... but i wont ever come true.. all i cud 2 is to DREAM on... h0pe 1 day...we cud really settle down 2gether...i meant 4ever... u know i know rite?....abt the thingy we both discussed abt...if that day is suppose 2 happen...all i cud 2 is to thank GOD that he had given mie such a beautiful gal...whom i had nvr imagined...

DEAR2 PRINCESS where ever u are...u will always be mine...no matter wad happen...u r my

DREAM GAL

well... wad can i say abt 2day urh? erm...how abt i start about my day at sk0ol 2day....well it begins here....2day was the terrible day...i meant during sk0ol tym ler... coz...got 2 examination paper 2 take...

firstly was my social studies and then followed by maths paper 1... tiz 2 exam is my 2 weakest subject...and i got no confidence that i cud do well for the paper...especially for maths...u know wad? maths paper 1... i didnt do 3 question...which consist of 14 marks total...haizz... which means tt...i cud onli get 26/40 marks highest...but i cant b 100% sure that i did correctly for all the other question...all i was hoping for my maths was juz a PASS is enuff... all my confidence in maths has gone off...ii noticed that my maths was slacking damn badly though... coz wen i was in sec 1... i cud really do well for my maths...and now...i cud hardly pass the paper...i m really scared...i m nt scared of failing for getting scolded by teacher or parents...but i scared that i will b drop off from 3IP...and no longer the same class as my PRINCESS...thats is the onli thing that i scared of...

well...that is onli for my maths paper 1 leh...havent paper 2 yet... well for my social studies exam...the paper was nt as hard as i though... but i juz cudnt answer the question rite... because of the sources....i didnt really mastered the skill yet... and also...some of the question i dont really know wad they are asking... summore thers onli 4 question...and each question carries around 5-7 marks...haizz... tiz really scare mie... now days...i dunno y i cant really concentrate on my studies...wad i studied will nvr remain in my head 4ever... 2day i studied...the next day...i will 100% sure i will forget...summore now days i dont even have the mood to study...all i cud say is...i m LAZY...haizz...wen i l0ok at my PRINCESS studying...den i feel lyk studying...if she dont...i also dont...

haizz....now i at my computer r0om alone...every1 famili members of mine all slept oledi...onli mie.... dunno y i juz cant slip...i dont feel tired already now....but yet... thers no1 for mie 2 tok 2...haizz...boring....turn left turn right...i cud c no1...damn silent... here i m...alone ...so lonely..."MR LONELY"..how i dreamed that...my PRINCESS would juz pop-up from somewhere... 2 accosmpany mie through the night... haiz.... but it wont... my PRINCESS ... now at home... sleeping soo peacefully in her cosy bed...n dreaming about sumthing which i dunno... cant read her mind though... dear2.... i really miss u ler... i m totally lost wen i m alone all by myself...i m in need of uu dear.... a few hours feels lyk a few days...months...even years...nt seeing uu... feels lyk wannting 2 hug uu now...n nvr letting u go...

DEAR

I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH!!!!!!MWUAHXX

("v") MaoMao ("v")

it wasnt my fault. 11:45 PM