Thursday, May 3, 2007
HeRe i m...again...juz got back from sk0ol...and rite away post tiz thingy at my blog...
haizz... i m sooo sad rite now... stress & confused.... i duno wad 2 do now... my thoughts is messed up... many things run through my mind rite now... i dunno how 2 describe myself as...shud a say stupid? useless? or betta off... i shud call myself a monster...coz tts is wad i m...
i made mistakes from the start... nt admitting it 2 u... it is my fault that the day had 2 b lyk tiz....
on my way home... ii burst 2 tears... all the negative thoughts... and hatred strike mie... URH!!!!!! i m soo sad!!!! i m a monster!!! monster!!!
all these while... i had been patient...i followed wad u ask mie 2 do...coz... all i do is to get ur 100% attention...but sad 2 say...no... every time u wif some1.... i tried 2 gif u the freedom 2 b wif some1...who ever u wan 2 b wif... but at least understand my feelings.... thers once u say...u dont lyk mie 2 be wif my friends....they are bad influence.... and wad i did? i told u say den i wont follow the f0otstep... now i seldom went out wif them... chit chatting wif them... nt even slacking wif them... 1 week... once i slack wif them... or even...i didnt at all... coz wad things u told mie nt 2 do... i will follow to seek ur attention... now... after a long tym w/o being wif my friends... they seldom tok 2 mie... usually b4 sk0ol... wen i sit wif them... i just zipped up my mouth... nt even a single word came out... onli wen they tok 2 mie...den i will answer back...
now by l0oking at them... i think... they had treated mie differently as last tym... but for mie... i dont mind they treated mie lyk tat... as long as i got u around... i m very much happy... coz u r the one who always brights up my day... haizz.... i really scare that wen ure wif sum1... wen ure very close... i really2 scare that u will end up having faded love feelings 2wards mie... n i m scared that i might lose u... wen u wif sum1...i pretended 2 b normal... but sometimes i cud resist but sumtimes i cudnt...haizz... wen ever ure close.... it makes mie tink many negative stuffs.... argh!!!
typing all these things down...is realli sad... but get 2 feel these feeling is much more suffering... tears are now flowing down my cheek... dunno wad to do... i dunno how 2 face u... such a monster i m... haizz... i wished all these stuff i could resist it...patient is all i need... but wen it is over the limit... i juz dunno wad to do... all i can think off is killing myself... but thinking over it...it wont gif any g0od...yet... add more suffering 2 other ppl especially my MUM... mum if ever these day i run away from home... i m really sorri mum... i m feeling 2 confused... mum i 4ever love u...
MUM ure my only h0pe...the onli person whom i can depend on in myself.... since young...u are always wif mie wen i nid u...
haiz....i dunno wad else 2 say... but....haizz... dunno ler.... i m scared now...
maybe later at nite... i write again...i love u dear.. muackz
("v")MaoMao("v")
it wasnt my fault. 2:03 PM
